One: Regarding The Herald Sun
Those who know me can vouch that I have made no attempt to hide my dislike of Melbourne's favourite tabloid paper over the years. But my displeasure with The Herald Sun hit a new low on Tuesday morning. I was riding the tram past a milk bar, out the front of which were displayed those full-page headline sheets for The Age and The Herald Sun, known as Flashboards.
That says it all, doesn't it? It appears that we - being the faithful readers of the Herald Sun - are all exclusively selected members of Navy Seal Team 6 who broke into a compound in Abbottabad and shot Osama Bin Laden dead in a brief firefight on Monday morning. I don't remember any of that happening, but who am I to question the authority of the Herald Sun?
Or perhaps I'm misinterpreting the text. Perhaps "we" refers to the editorial staff of the Herald Sun. This is the more likely interpretation, as I have no evidence to say that said editors were not in Abbottabad at the time of the strike, and I for one would believe they could juggle executing a dangerous commando mission with running a daily rag. What's more, The Age confirms their involvement...
Just for the record, I didn't take that photo - several others in the vast online ocean have already done it so that I don't have to. They probably weren't thinking of me when they took the photo, so in a way, that makes it extra special.
Two: Inane Lyrics
It's a good thing that master lyricist Stephen Sondheim isn't dead yet, because the amount of grave-turning he'd be doing would easily cause several small earthquakes, if he were subjected in his post-mortal-coil state to the lyrics I heard at my local fish and chip shop last night.
Exhibit A: Number 21 on the Video Hits countdown. Bruno Mars. "Grenade".
"To give me all your love is all I ever asked". You don't think that's reasonable?
"I’d catch a grenade for ya" Indeed.
"Throw my hand on a blade for ya" You can't doubt his enthusiasm.
"I’d jump in front of a train for ya" That does sound rough, I'll agree. What did you do to him?
"I would go through all this pain" And so must we, it seems.
"Take a bullet straight through my brain" Well, you've spoiled the surprise now. Alright, I'll put down my gun.
"Yes, I would die for ya baby;
But you won't do the same". Listen, girlfriend of Bruno Mars, I don't care how much money he offers you, you've made the right choice. Run. Run and don't look back. He's hauling a piano!
Exhibit B: A lower number than 21 on the Video Hits countdown. Selena Gomez. "Who Says?"
"Who says
Who says you’re not perfect
Who says you’re not worth it
Who says you’re the only one that’s hurting
Trust me
That’s the price of beauty
Who says you’re not pretty
Who says you’re not beautiful
Who says
Who says you’re not star potential
Who says you’re not presidential
Who says you can’t be in movies
Listen to me, listen to me
Who says you don’t pass the test
Who says you can’t be the best
Who said, who said
Won’t you tell me who said that?"
... I did.
That being positive thing could only last so long...
ReplyDeleteI'm positive you can be more positive about it Phil.
ReplyDeleteAfter all, the Herald Sun editors are clearly so in touch with their readers that they felt the same anguish and terror at the events of 9/11, and the same elation at the recent events. And who's to say that ST6 aren't avid subscribers to the Sun? Wouldn't you be if you were in their position?
Or, on a positively sinister note, consider that ST6 serves at the command of the president. The president serves at the command of the people. But he's not just president of the US; as many people have remarked, he's effectively leader of the free world. It follows therefore that since the Herald Sun is part of the free world, and the president could not lead the free world without the free world's prior assent, QED he serves at the command of the Herald Sun. Thus in like manner to a manager or spokesperson using a collective "we" to describe actions of specific yet unidentified individuals within their organisation without necessarily denoting personal direct involvement, it is clear that the order to "get Osama" originated in the editorial offices of the Herald Sun, flowing from there through the free world to the leader of the free world, and from their to the specific yet unidentified individuals of ST6 tasked with executing their commander's wishes.
Humphrey would be proud...
And as for the song lyrics, lets put aside for the moment the great public service done through these songs in keeping music executives from falling into a subsistence lifestyle where they can only own two cars and have to fly commercial like the rest of us. These lyrics are in fact a preparatory effort to what is positively the greatest green energy project in history: A million copper coils will be wrapped around the corpses of the greatest composers and lyricists (they'll wait for Sondheim and add him at an appropriate time). As these songs cause the greats to spin in their graves, the amount of energy generated will slash carbon emmissions world wide. It's clearly a great sacrifice on the part of the composers to give up beauty and depth in favour of corpse-turning energy generation.